Reflections

To achieve True Happiness, you must experience True Sadness

And hard times are good in their own way, too. Because the only way you can achieve true happiness is if you experience true sadness as well. It’s all about light and shade. Balance.

Gabrielle Williams

Personally, I think this is linked to a series of elements that happen with oneself. Sometimes even the only way God has to show you the things you don’t want to correct, or even the things that distance you from your own dreams and His dreams, is to simply get them out.

In my case this was through something that in my childhood was my only way out: lies. Very few know that my life, my childhood, was charged with bullying and loneliness. Since I can remember, until the end of my school, bullying was something that marked me in a great way. Usually it was an issue where I was the center, getting them to move me to one side. Any attempt to establish a relationship of friendship with someone ended in failure, my life became a void, a world of loneliness where the “true myself” was not important.

That is when lies came in, creating spaces, stories, imaginations or even fantasies to make others believe of something that I was not, in order to generate “friendships”, but in reality it was a mere defense tool to feel accompanied. The point is that this “tool” never eradicated it from my life, but rather I hid it under layers and layers of earth, forgetting about it.

What I never imagined is that THAT same tool was going to be the cause of all my ills. It was a tool that came out to cover my insecurity, to cover my fears, and even to transform into a mask when I did not feel at the level of.

The moment came when this “tool” would turn against me, and instead of helping me it would cause me the exact opposite. Such was the result that it ended up damaging friends, and even the woman I dreamed of all my life. God had to remove it, and although that his advice was always showing me various things little by little, I normally let it pass away.. Until the day came, that it had to leave and it couldn’t wait for more. That was the day that God had to do something, a self shake, finally to make me realize. And that was when God touched my most sensitive area: My relationship in pursuit of a future with my best friend and the woman I love.

That was the minute my world fell apart. That led me to work on myself, to understand God from another point of view, and even to ask forgiveness from many people who I had failed. I tried to accept it, with a lot of pain, but to put my hope back to fixing what I had done.

This is the process I am in now, as from August 15, 2021. This is the process where God has been breaking my heart of stone to make me his masterpiece again, and the best version of me. Although for me, to this day, I have felt that my world really is on the floor, this was the only way that God really had to make me realize my mistake. The only way to change myself to continue with his plan, and even the only way to continue molding myself so that, tomorrow, I can be his tool, and bless others.

It’s only a time when I give thanks to those people that God has put in my life to give me advice, to help me, and that in some way I have taken them, even to the point of losing their own friendship. People who have given me their time in the past, and, instead of thanking them, I have brought them all kinds of bad vibes, problems and even insults and offenses.

That’s why this phrase makes so much sense to me. And at the same time, it hurts so much. Because really, in order to experience and feel perfect happiness, it got to the point that I had to fall until I knew the maximum and true sadness. This is how God continues to show me day by day that he has not given up on me, and that he continues to work on me. And this is the way I can dream of God, and thus give an absolute value to that point that God has for me to achieve dreams, and really feel happiness from the heart.

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