Reflections

Remembering Who we Must Be

There will always be those who mean to do us harm. To stop them, we risk awakening the same evil within ourselves. Our first instinct is to seek revenge when those we love are taken from us. But that’s not who we are.

When Christopher Pike first gave me his ship, he had me recite the Captain’s Oath. Words I didn’t appreciate at the time. But now I see them as a call for us to remember who we once were and who we must be again.

CPT. james tiberius kirk – star trek

When you grow up, you always have your nature that wants to hurt you. Personally, I grew up in a space where I hardly had any friends. The opportunity to learn to socialize was never a strong thing for me. I never understood how to take care of my friends, and when I first had some, they always lasted for nothing, since I never understood how to take care of them, what to say, what not to say, how to speak, what to do, what not to do, and that was transformed by a long time in my way of living. Until I decided to bury it and move on. That was my mistake.

Instead of learning and understanding my mistakes, I simply decided to try from zero, without ever asking for advice, believing that I knew it all. My pride began to grow, as did the lie of living being something that I never was. I began to enter spaces, and form false friendships. I lived one lie after another, believing that was the way to socialize.

What I never realized is that among everyone, there was always someone who was there for me. God always put one person, or another, and with the passing of time, I ended up losing them because I never knew how to keep them. I was the one to blame, and another, and another, and again, until my friends could not hold. After a long time, and many screw ups, I started hurting those I loved, and that happened to me to the point that no matter how much I wanted to move forward, it all came down to taking one step forward and ten steps back. And so my life ended in continuous failure, after failure, after failure.

But that man is not at all the real me that I am trying to bring out into the world today. Today I can say that I am a person that it has been difficult for me to love, to make friends, and I have the disadvantage that I do’t know most of things. I am not the man with all the achievements in the world, nor am I the man with all the experience in everything. I am simply someone else, that today more than ever understands that what he wants most in the world is to learn what a friend taught me about her character and his healing process a while ago, and that is to be Perfectly Imperfect. Thanks to her, thanks to who she is, thanks to her passion for helping me, and Thanks to God who put her in my life is that today I can see this. And even though she is someone I have hurt in countless ways over the past few years out of simple fear of losing her, I can only thank her for the change she has made in me. Despite the world saying that she may have hurt me, it is quite the opposite. I need a person who speaks to my heart, and tells me exactly what I do not want to hear, in any way.

That is why I am grateful to the two people whom I love the most in the world, outside of my family circle, and whom I fear the most to disappoint and lose because of who I was. Thank you María José and Claudio for being those people that God has put in my life. And sorry for not living up to everything that you have given me throughout my life, and having failed you, disrespected or even being foolish with you in my way of being.

That is why this phrase represents me so much. Thanks to them, it is that I managed to realize what I was, what I really never wanted to become, and who I always ignored, and it is today, more than ever, that I trust who I should be, what I am, and how God is. working on my day to day. No. I’m not perfect at all. But for the first time in my 33 years of life, it is something I accept with all honor. Today more than ever is when I accept, desire and dream of being one more in the crowd, standing out for what God is doing in me, and leaving aside whatever I am not. But above all things, I long to be a perfectly imperfect, vulnerable man who only speaks with words of truth in his mouth without fear of anything; and to be able to honor, bless and lift up those who have accompanied me all this time, and those I have harmed with who I have been. I do not rule out that tomorrow I may be wrong and fall again, but today more than ever I can know that there is nothing to fear, because I am not the only one who has fallen.

This is simply my way of honoring you and blessing you for who you are, for what you have been, and for what you will always be in my life: the people I love most on the face of the earth. Just thank you María José and Claudio.

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